Tonight, I have made two discoveries

I have spent the evening trawling the interwebs for interesting small person treats. I used to love doing that when I was pregnant but I have to be honest, I haven't done it for a long time now.

I managed to find two things that really appealed to me, one a sling, the other some super cutes for Alfie.

I'm sure you remember a million years ago when Keith and I went to order Alfie his washable nappies and sat talking about vaccines while we waited to be rescued and taken to the nearest purveyor of replacement tyres? I know, I can barely remember it either, but then I've slept since.

We have always used plastic outers with Alfie, but they often end up wiffy by the end of the day. I have long coveted some "soakers" for him, but could never justify the cost of buying them and frankly don't have the skills to knit a coaster, let alone a pair of trousers.

So look what I found instead

I am VERY excited. I have one or two old jumpers that I was waiting to use for something inspired and now? Well let's just say that Alfie's soon going to have some multicoloured legs going on. Oh yes, I am already sewing the seeds of his future therapy sessions.

If any of you have any spare wool jumpers kicking about that you want to donate (and apparently I need them to be 90% wool, who knew wee absorption had such specific needs!) then I will gladly take them off your hands!

The other thing I found was a sling I have been meaning to track down since one of the other mums mentioned it at the last homebirth meeting. It is a Japanese variation on the Mei Tai that we use with Alfie and is called an Onbuhimo. You don't wanna know how many races Keith had done on GT5 in the time it took me to learn that!!

I'm having issues finding one in the UK. They seem to be a very poor relation to the Mei Tai which I can't understand because they look a million times easier to use and, well, I want one.

I have found a patten or two but after the endless whinging I was subjected to by my husband after the last sling I lovingly made I'm not sure I can bring myself to make another. If anyone sees one for sale within a 3 hour flight, let me know would you?

Alfie's First Masterpiece

In case I need to help you with this, you are looking at the lid of our toilet.

I am at least grateful that a) these are special bath crayons and b) he managed to put pen to pan without ingesting or inserting a brightly colored stick.

Clearly he is an artistic genius

Whatever happened to Personal Responsibility?

This weekend I went to an NCT Ante Natal class to drop off some goody bags to the expectant parents and tell them about the many things we do in the local area.

It’s a new initiative for us and a big deal for someone like me who comes over all Arkwright at the thought of doing A Presentation. I used to do public speaking as a child, not a hint of nerves, and then at some point when it actually started to matter I totally lost the ever living plot. Saturday was a little less ugly than it normally would have been, mainly because I had a chance to chat to some of the couples ahead of the session.

I have to admit I came over all misty eyed.

I loved that excitement of being pregnant for the first time and meeting all these other first timers who were as excited as I was. I wanted to tell these couples to enjoy every last second of it, to write it down, photograph it, capture it because it is over so very quickly, and it’ll never be your “first time” ever again.

My second secret weapon in getting through the presentation was the killer – I brought Alfie with me and he was on all systems go charm offensive. I was offered a swap for a bump (which I believe I accepted so technically I’m waiting for you to come and collect him lady) and he insisted on fetching all the toys from the corner of the room to me one by one which I didn’t even need to look around to know because every minute or so sixteen pairs of eyes moved as one to my knee level and I was hit with a collective sigh. Good team work Alfie, you scored yourself a bonus cookie for that little stunt!

The other thing I wanted to talk about (and the title of this post) is more to do with the media circus surrounding the Kirsty Vs NCT Twitter argument which culminated in this article which took the usual "balanced" media view of proceedings

I know I have harped on about this before but it is a source of constant amazement to me that women are so willing to turn against each other in defense of their birth experiences. There are a lot of ways in which women are let down by modern maternity practices and many - myself included - are left very badly off as a result.

I made a throwaway comment while chatting to the couples at the ante natal class that I had gone 43 weeks with Alfie and guess what, one lady instantly came back with “they let you go 43 weeks?!”. My response, as always was “no, I let them induce me at 43 weeks” before going into an explanation of how nothing can be done without your permission.

And that’s what really bothers me about this argument – should the NCT be talking about c sections? Yes. Should we be providing PND support, you bet your ass! Should it be down to us to hand hold parents through every permutation of how birth can turn out? No, actually I don’t think we should. I don’t even think there should be an expectation of it when you come to an ante natal class because to do that would take a degree course.

It also doesn’t address a pretty fundamental point - probably an unpopular one to make in this day and age - and that is one of personal responsibility. If I make a major life decision then it is my responsibility to make sure I educate myself about what I am doing. If I don’t make sure I know the risks and the possible outcomes then I honestly don’t believe I should expect anyone else to do it for me.

  

It is sad that some mums are being let down by some teachers who are not talking about sections and it is absolutely not what the NCT are about to exclude mums who have had a section (personal example, right here, as are about 50% of the rest of the committee) and maybe as an organisation we need to find a better balance between parent led content and a set curriculum on our courses but if you are honestly trying to tell me that as an expectant parent you would choose not to educate yourself about c sections when women today have a 1 in 4 chance of having one then frankly you need to take the responsibility for that.

It is not about stigmatising women who have had sections, it’s about women being given proper choices, about enabling them to go away and make the right decisions for their situations and about working to give them a birth story that makes them feel totally empowered, no matter what shape that narrative takes. It is about using c sections as a tool to help women with specific needs rather than as a “get out of jail free” card for poor practices. 

Women who have section have nothing to feel ashamed about, end of, and nobody has the power to make you feel anything ... unless you give it to them. Sometimes I think it’s a pity that we don’t learn that lesson and make more productive use of our passion. 

Supping and Dining

A friend said something to me recently that made me realise the power of what we are trying to do within the NCT. She was sitting in the middle of toddler bedlam at her daughter’s party and said “last year it was just us: Who would have thought I could make so many friends in a year?”

I don’t talk much about the NCT stuff I get up to, mainly because so much of it at the moment is planning rather than doing, and maybe a result of that is that I forget how important the “bread and butter” events of our organisation really are.

The truth is, our groups make a difference to families, not just in big ways, but sometimes just in a cup of tea and a chat. It made me humble to realise I'm part of something so powerful.

Nice moment, now bring on the grump; because it's been a while since I got on my soapbox. 

Have you read about this?

My friend sent me the link complete with a short missive on her own perspective because like a lot of child related issues, this one seems to divide opinion with the strength of feeling that normally causes people to reply with a "HELL yeah!!" backed up by some firing of guns into the air.

And didn't you just know it, I've got my own opinion on the idea of children in restaurants.

If you go to a restaurant and my kid is sitting at a table, making a conversational level of noise and keeping his food within the confines of our table, YOU HAVE NO REASON TO COMPLAIN. 

If my child starts to bellow, launch food half way to Mars or run around knocking waiters down like skittles, you had better believe that I will not smile indulgently at him, I'll be carrying him back to the car by his ankle.

Because I am a responsible parent and that is how you act in a public place. Any. Public. Place. And I don't need a guide to tell me that. 

If you don't like the idea of a small children in restaurants then stay at home because they have as much right to be there as you do. That is just the unfortunate thing about public places you see, they contain other people who might just have differing views to your own and unless your name is the one above the door, you're just going to have to put up with it.

N'OK cupcake?

Three Little Birds

I don't talk much about my tattoos on here. I'm not ashamed of talking about them, I just never really think to talk about them because my tattoos feel as natural a part of me as my liver or my fingers, and I don't really think to talk about them either.

My brand new ink deserves a mention though, because having taken my own sweet time, I finally go round to having my "family" tattoo started.

I got the inspiration for this piece from a milk carton holder I saw in a craft shop in Gib when Keith and I had just gotten married. I knew instantly I wanted to use it as the basis of my family piece and hoarded a photo of it until recently, when I went to see Jeff at Evil from the Needle who does all my work, and most of Keith's as well.

The biggest problem I had was deciding where to get this piece, knowing that it would need to grow as our family grows, I was avoiding the fact that the only sensible place also happened to be the one part of my body which is plagued with the intense discomfort of a trapped nerve on a daily basis.

Good thing I discussed painkillers with Jeff beforehand because I think he might have called the session off had he not known me and known that I don't usually lie on his table in a codeine haze. At one point I was so out of it I was on the verge of piping up with "do you know you're not actually on my skin any more" because I could hear the gun but couldn't feel a thing. Luckily for my pride I kept that gem to myself because Jeff hadn't developed depth perception issues at all.

So here is my new ink.

Thanks to a very talented man it is everything I had hoped it would be, and more.

Little Bit of History Repeating

Did you ever wonder whether you look like someone in your family?

In case you were wondering, this isn't me and Alfie gone retro, it's my mum in the red top holding me on her lap.

Snowdrops and Cake

At some point on Sunday Alfie had an epiphany - walking is easy and why would you think otherwise?

Since then he has been wearing a groove in the tiles so I was really looking forward to today when we would be going to toddler group and then to a local garden with my parents.

Alfie was on form today - full charm offensive in fact - and we had an awesome day with him.

For once I'll let the photos do the talking...

Guardian of the Gardens 

The snowdrops of Benington

Walking down the garden path  

Check me, I got this walking thing sorted

A bit unusual for a garden ornament

Crocuses

Cake, cake, cake!!!

I am a chocolate vampire

Yes I stealed cake, but I am cutes so is OK.

Guilt, and the assuagement thereof

As any good Catholic will tell you,there is no end to the things to feel guilty for. As a working mum I do pretty well avoiding guilt because I know Alfie is getting daddy time, but there are still times when I ache to be at home, when I torture myself thinking that Alfie is suffering because I’m not there. Mostly it’s at times when I get Facebook messages that start

“Just to warn you boy looks like he’s been through the wars. Scratch and a black eye today L”

Those are the moments when my ego demands that he need me and my cuddles. Those are the moments when I want to grab my bag and head straight for the car because there is nothing on earth more important than drying my son’s tears and kissing his bruises better.

I stayed at work though, and saw out a really tough week, and in a feat of unimaginably bad timing, Keith had made plans to be away today instead of being at home to soothe my aches and feed me beer.

Actually it turned out to be unimaginably good timing, because Alfie and I had an “us” day. An incredibly good “us” day.

We started off at a soft play place. Be grateful I put a filter on this photo, the colours in this place made my eyeballs blister.

 Alfie’s eyes lit up when we got there, not because of the toys but because of the other children. As soon as his little feet hit the mats he motored off to the nearest toddler and they began that intricate ritual of bubble blowing and arm flapping that seems to come when toddlers meet.

An hour later he was ready for lunch, so we wondered down the road to Cafe Rouge and he hoovered salmon fishcakes before rubbing strawberry jelly into his sleepy eyes and passing out in the buggy on the way back to the car.

Normally Alfie is a one shot deal when it comes to nap time, but my little boy has had such a hard week I managed to get him to drop of three whole times. Oh yes. The third time was just my idea of heaven – we kutched up on the sofa together under a blanket, his head slowly sapping the feeling from my arm while his sweaty little hands clung onto the front of my jumper.

And that’s when the rest of the world disappeared and I found my little bit of heaven, snuggled up breathing in sweet smelling toddler hair. There is nothing that matters to me in those moments except him and me, and maybe that's enough to make up for the other moments that I miss?